Thoughts: NUCU / Bruised Reed

Teaching from Isaiah 42 left friends and I contemplating in Cripps bar the struggles that we weak reeds face, and rejoicing in the hope we have despite our forever failings. As challenge and truth and encouragement came through the preacher I was content on simply observing his emotions. His openness was a needed reminder to some former thoughts concerning my restraint. Why do I cry out in my room for my friends yet towards them offer my deepest treasure in a way not too dissimilar to the way one would offer a warm beverage? Why am I afraid of letting lost friends know that the faith that I press on them is from a deep burden? Why do I act in fear of self-image at the heavy cost of them assuming my preaching comes from an indwelling fountain of subtle arrogance.

I say less to them because I fear it will be taken as unloving yet simultaneously I restrain my obvious signs of genuine care for little apparent reason. As the meeting drew close in prayer I found my pen writing, "God is not happy with the way I am treating my friends". Because my restraint is not from love but from fear of rejection, of a tarnished image, of no longer being the one that everyone sees as "just a really nice guy". I would snap to take the rapport of a thoroughbred fool from all my peers if it meant they would further consider Christ. Yet I don't even feel this much sacrifice is necessary.

A few awkward conversations maybe, and the loss of those that probably never really knew me anyway, but I sense no seeming chance that those names and personalities who are mapped onto my most heartfelt prayers in bold would abandon our friendship if my heart for their salvation was laid bare along with all my insisting.

Lord help me be willing to loose all this pretence, to lower my guard, that all my friends would cross from darkness into light.

Also the new NUCU Exec nominations went out to the Christian Union tonight. My encouragements drew mostly, not from the front and when I was congratulated (Thinking of me as if I'd made it???) but from the back beforehand where I sat and observed God imposing himself on the hearts of so many, His word taken with care and careful listening and His name praised with trust and deep treasuring. If we are your followers I know you God can do more with us, if we are your chosen worshippers our worship should effectively embrace the lost and hurt and disillusioned. If Your spirit is powerful it will guide me, it will humble me and strengthen me. If we follow you (be it through me or not) then will do well and you will get the glory.

Our human intention may get us somewhere, O God, but it will bring people nowhere. By your spirit you must spur us to the lost, and by the same they must be brought to bow before your majesty. Do your holy business with us, through us and around us. Let us bask in your power and think nothing of ourselves, yet let us work with an eager expectation of much and a knowledge that although you slow your step to keep with us we should not think of ourselves as less capable than the harbingers that you have filled us to be.