Quotes: Woody Allen

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.